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Understanding one's role during a divorce

Many Colorado spouses want to end their marriages in a collaborative manner, without the nastiness and strife that so often define the process. Amicability is certainly an admirable goal, and all spouses should seek less contentious divorces. That said, it is also important to remember that during this period of time, both spouses will have different sets of goals, and those goals are not always shared. It is imperative to strike the right balance between working together and looking out for one's best interests during divorce.

Maintaining balance can be more easily said than done. Often, one spouse desperately wants to reduce tension and avoid confrontation during the process of a divorce. He or she may go to great lengths to make the process "easier" by giving in on seemingly small items, while avoiding fighting over the details. However, those small things tend to add up, and it is possible to discover that the resulting agreement is very one-sided.

If confrontation is difficult for a spouse, the best way to ensure a fair and favorable outcome is to find an experienced divorce attorney and let him or her do his or her job. It is possible to discuss one's goals at the onset, including avoiding lengthy or excessive negotiations and working toward a fair outcome. This approach gives an attorney guidance as to how a client wants a divorce to move forward, and it also allows the attorney to construct a negotiation strategy that will suit the client's needs.

The act of ending a Colorado marriage almost always leads to a situation in which spouses are at odds. Whether over matters of child custody, property division or other issues, it is rare to find a divorcing couple who agree on each and every item. Being kind and working collaboratively does not mean setting aside all of one's goals to serve the needs of the other party, and it is possible to move through the divorce process in a way that is not only cooperative but also fair and balanced.  

Source:, "7 Things I Learned the Hard Way About Post-Divorce Etiquette", Stacey Freeman, July 8, 2016

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